Olympic Judging

One of the best parts the Olympic Games is the unique opportunity they provide to judge the naming skills of parents the whole world over. After the first two days of competition, here are the results of the Terrible Naming prelims:

Easily winning the first heat of Unintentionally Hilarious Foreign Names is gold medal favorite Dragan Stankovich of Serbia. As unfortunate as it is to have your name mean Malodorous Beastie, he wins incredible style points for correct usage of stank. He suffers a .2 point deduction for misspelling Dragon.

Are dragons supposed to have manes?

Current favorite in the Go Ahead Bob Costas. I Dare You race is Mongolia's Tsagaanbaatar Khashbaatar. His score is boosted by solid performances in the Awkward Consonant Combinations and Nonstandard Double Vowel categories, but rumor has it he may be disqualified for recycling two complete syllables.

He's a judo champion. Make fun of his name and he will probably wreck you.

And in the lead going into the Boy Named Sue finals we have Destinee Hooker of the United States. Her mother wins full points in both the Misspelled First Name and Obvious Child Hatred categories, with a 2 point bonus for exquisite Personal and Surname Coordination. Final round judges are expected to deduct .3 points for mispunctuation as it really should be Destiny: Hooker.

Forget you, Mom! My destinee is destroying people at volleyball.

We look forward to the medal round next week.