Kissing this Town Goodbye

... Except without the kissing part. I gave a smidgen of thought to an appropriate farewell for this one of a kind place that has grudgingly housed me for the last ten months. I contemplated How do I loathe thee? A farewell to Ely, but that sounded too bitter and the form was pretty strict. Turns out sonnets, even sarcastic ones, are still out of my reach. Instead I give you the second failed attempt: poetry almost as low class and dim-witted as the adults who inspire it.

A lyrical adieu to the Silver State

Farewell to jackets Confederate and straight
Farewell to terrorists and the local KKK
Farewell to creeps, both the young and the old
Farewell to fridges all covered in mold
Farewell to students who wet in their desks
Farewell to mutant biological pests
Farewell to Voldemort and his shiny bald head
Farewell to the lamp that won’t light above my bed
Farewell to the secretary who ne’er learnt my name
Farewell to the German class panties of fame
Farewell to sandwiches crafted for ‘Hon’
Farewell to children who ask me for rum
Farewell to the irony I call Escape
Farewell to dressing like Severus Snape
I’m packing the car, I’m defying the odds
By deliberately getting the heck out of dodge

Remember when I just quit my job?

I officially notified the principal and superintendent, as of 8:08 this morning, that I will be leaving at the end of my contract this June. Just FYI.

Clearly math is not your forte

From an essay on our WWII test "Hitler went all crazy and killed thousands of people, six million of which were Jews."

I always forget my camera!

Alas, this post is sans pictures, but I still had an awesome trip to Portland/Vancouver. I spent a great plane ride with Kim reminiscing and plotting future adventures for this summer, then the roommate formerly known as Jennie Hansen and her hubby picked me up and took me out for the Best Salmon Ever!!! I really should eat fish in coastal states more often... or go to coastal states more often. We played games, ate ice cream, and all around had a good time. Oh ya, and laughed at James' silly antics.

On Saturday the roommate now formerly known as Jenny J Randall had a slight legal incident and came out of it as Jenny White. When I got to the temple for the ceremony, I realized that I had my suitcase with me and nowhere to store it for the next hour (locker rooms inside? apparently my brain wasn't working). I saw a teenage boy outside the temple who looked vaguely like Jenny's family picture, so I opened the car door and yelled out "Are you Nick?" He said yes, so I handed him my suitcase, said "Watch this for awhile, please?" and ran inside. Good times. Her grandfather performed the wedding, and it was a lovely ceremony.

I spent the rest of the day cracking jokes with her uncles, laughing at the outrageous things people kept saying to Kim, and playing made up cardgames with the whole Nielson clan. It was the most beautiful weather and everything was awesome. Three cheers for old friends, new places, and fresh fish!

"The Don't Quit Your Day Job Broadway Review"

And don't fault me for being the mean one, because that is the actual name of the school musical I just got home from. Highlights included a deaf girl singing "Goodmorning Baltimore" mostly on key, watching awkward ponytail kid try to dance like a hippie, and daydreaming about the new X-Men movie I saw last night instead of the A for Effort community theater in front of me. Lowlights included a troupe of pre- and mid-pubescent boys sing the part of Elphaba in "Defying Gravity," watching awkward ponytail kid try to dance like a hippie, and seeing my boss do the hula in nothing but a grass skirt and coconut bra. Believe it or not, a 3/4 naked Voldemort is a difficult image to purge from your mind.