The Punniest Class in the World

School is done for the year (and there was much rejoicing!), and I'm regretting how many of the gems from my punniest US history class I didn't record, but here are the top few I remember:

One day I was explaining about how the Nazis were so stylish because Hugo Boss, and to a lesser extent Coco Chanel, designed their uniforms when...

Student A: So you're saying the Nazis had swag?
Me:Oh yeah, they had loads of swag.  They were the sexy men in uniform of the 1930s.
Student B: You mean... swagstikas?

Let's hope the German exchange student visiting us that day understands American humor...

Or the other day when they were trying to convince me to get a Tumblr:

Student: Then you'll learn cool school puns, like how when you get mad you can say "Oedipus!"
Me: Um.... what does Greek tragedy have to do with my anger?
Student: You know, like a school appropriate version of MOTHER EFFER!!!!

The worst part? Now I can't stop saying "Oedipus Rex!" every time I get frustrated.

Wins and Fails of the Epic Variety

First the bad news. Remember those horrible test answers I used to get in Ely? Last week I got a new worst test answer ever.

The questions was an easy one for bonus bonus points: "If you could award a Nobel Peace Prize to anyone we've studied this year, who would you give it to and why?"  The answer (in a US history class, mind you)?  "George Washington, because he was a good leader/general and he helped the North win the Civil War."

*crickets*

And to think... the answer started out so well. 

And now for the good news: two of my AP students made this epic rap battle between Richard Nixon and Andrew Jackson for their final project. It's so awesome and also terrible but the good kind of terrible. Enjoy!

 

Disclaimer for Steve-o: the students in the video are the ones who put it on YouTube, so me reposting it is totally legit. Kthxbai.

How to visit the Great Salt Lake, or that time some random bikers stopped to cheer me on

See all that skooshy mud?  Cross it and you will lose a flip flop.

Last summer I decided that I'd lived in Utah too long not to start doing the things on my Unique Utah Adventures list.  First up? "Jump in the Great Salt Lake."  I think I'm far enough past the shock and trauma of it now to share some bits of wisdom from my experience:

• When your friend assures you that it "won't be that gross," you should probably factor in the difference between Eastern Idaho gross and real gross.  Change your mind accordingly.
• Do not, I repeat, do not go in late August when the water level is low and do not go near Saltair as this is apparently the grosser side of the lake.
• As you are climbing down the rocks past the giant spider colonies that exist to fuel Ron Weasley's nightmares (and eat the gigantic swarm of tiny flies now attacking you), you should probably start screaming a la The Parent Trap.
• When you remember the gigantic swarm of tiny flies now attacking you, you should probably switch from an open mouthed activity like screaming to a closed mouth activity like emitting high pitched squeaks. 
• Halfway through the gelatinous abyss between the rocks and the water you should change your mental phrasing from "jump in the Great Salt Lake" to "get to the Great Salt Lake" as it's pretty hard to jump anywhere when the only thing between you and filthy soul sucking swamp mud is your left flip flop. ProTip: Make ridiculously loud sounds of disgust every time your now bare right foot squelches into the muck.  It distracts you from questioning your own sanity.
• When you finally make it to the water, you should probably not hesitate to get right in, but if you do hesitate, now would be a good time to notice the gang of middle aged bikers cheering you on from the scenic overlook. Take it as a compliment when said bikers tell you that they pulled off of I-80 because they thought they heard someone drowning.
• Once you're in the water floating on your invisible inner tube (bum down, calves and arms on the surface), try not to remember that you're sitting in a giant vat of  sea monkies and enjoy the surreal experience of suppressing your gag reflex for a crowd of cheering strangers. 

Now complete that entire process in reverse and you're home free!  Maybe someday I'll get up the courage to move on to the second item on my list....

And then she went all Dead Poets Society in the lunchroom

She looked mostly like this ... but a girl ... and with a pink fauxhawk, a mini skirt, and combat boots.

You know what makes your day after a good self-esteem crushing parent?  A visit from an old student who just stopped by to tell you thank you for helping her get a five (the highest possible score) on her AP test. 

You know what makes your week after two self self-esteem crushers?  When that student hugs you and tells you she's taking AP classes at her new high school this year and it's made her realize you were "freaking amazing and also awesome." 

You know what makes your year?  When she then jumps up on the lunchroom table in the middle of your current AP students and yells "Attention peasants!  This lady (throwing her arm back to gesture towards you)  Knows.  Her.  S--t!  She got me a FIVE on the AP test, so you guys should TRUST her. Because she is AMAZING.  And also awesome.  So listen.  That is all." And then the lunchroom gives her a standing ovation.

You know what the best bit was?  That the only part of this I borrowed from Dead Poets Society is the picture.  I might have to quit teaching right now because I'm fairly certain this cannot be topped.  Thank you former student whose name I'm omitting because you're still a minor!  You are the absolute best!