20 Years Later

Today was the 20th anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down, and if you know me at all, you know that this called for a party. My roommate got the used shipment boxes from her work last week, I got a few cans of spray paint, and a little good-natured chaos ensued.

We stacked the reassembled boxes on our front walkway to make the wall. It got a whole lot more graffitied than this before the night was over.

We roasted marshmallows while we waited for the spray paint to dry, and then I yelled "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" and we all charged it and knocked it down. This was the aftermath:

Then somehow my hometeacher ended up jumping out of a tree. Do not try this at home.

For those of you who were worried, these cardboard boxes made surprisingly good landing foam.
He only broke through the first layer (there were four). Then one of the neighbors called the fire department, but the firefighter who visited us in his gigantic fire truck inspected the portable fire pit we were using on the sidewalk and said everything was in order. He declined our offer of a s'more.

It was a fun party with good entertainment and great friends, and it gave me the opportunity to celebrate how grateful I am that the Wall did fall because it allowed me to serve my mission there. I wouldn't be the same today without all those wonderful people and the experiences I had learning to feel and share Heavenly Father's incredible love for them.

Out of the Mouths of Freshman

So my new roommate (not room roommate, but saying housemate makes me feel like I'm on the Real World Provo, or something) is a freshman out of the inland empire in California. She's very sweet and incredibly timid, and it's been an adventure remembering just how much you don't know when you're a freshman. Today she decided to make snickerdoodles (green ones!) for a Troll 2 party our house was throwing, and here were some of the highlights of the conversation:

Her: "So, what time should I start making them?"
Me: "Well, how long do they take to make?"
Her: "The recipe says bake for 11 minutes... so if the party starts at 8, I should probably mix them up at 7:45"
Me: "Don't snickerdoodles have to refrigerate for awhile? Also, you're probably going to have to bake more than one batch."
Her: "No. The recipe just says bake."
Me: "Check out right here where it says 'refrigerate 1 hour.'"

Her: "Do we have any cream of tartar?"
Me: "Probably not"
Her: "What am I supposed to do then? Do you want me to go buy it or something?"
Me: pretended that was a rhetorical question and kept vacuuming.
Her: "What about flour, sugar, and vanilla? Oh, and eggs, butter, and crisco? Where are those?"
Mental Me: "At the store, with the cream of tartar."
Verbal Me: "There might be some in the communal baking cabinet. Just make sure to replace whatever you use the last or almost last of."

Her, while staring at the finished dough: "So when do I add the food coloring? Now? or after I bake them?"

Oh the joys of leaving home for the first time!

Getting Quasi Published!

During my last semester at BYU, I worked as a research assistant for a professor who was writing a book about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Germany during the Second World War. I did a little editing and a lot of poring through German microfilms and internet databases trying to track down the fate of soldiers who were listed as MIA. I also got the opportunity to go and help with a few interviews where we met with survivors of the war or their descendents. We listened to their stories, got as much detail as possible so we could compare it to other accounts and verify as much as possible, and took pictures of their old photos and surviving keepsakes. Anyway, the book is finally done and published and will be hitting the shelves on September 21st! I'm pretty stoked! At one point there was talk of crediting all of the research assistants who worked on this project (for we were many), but whether or not that actually happened, I still feel pretty special. Anyone who's interested in more info, or wants to order a copy can visit the publisher's website.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

My mom offered this book to me as a quick, easy, and entertaining read over the long weekend, and it was super fun! It's set in the Channel Islands between England and France in 1946, and the whole thing is written in letters between the various characters. It was engaging, human, and a something I'd recommend to anyone interested in an excellent read!

I am officially 100 years old

Today on campus at BYU I spotted a lost little freshman, and offered to help him find his class. Then I recognized him as the valedictorian from White Pine High School class of 2009. For those of you who don't obsessively follow my life, that is the school where I taught last year... and knew him as a student. I felt like a dinosaur.

In other news, I am now taking 2 classes at UVU, 1 class at BYU, and 2 classes online from BYU, all in pursuit of a social studies teaching certification. I am currently certified in History and German, but I am in school again so I can upgrade to social studies which also includes geography, political science, economics, etc., and hopefully makes me more employable.

And since I am terrible at retro-posting and catching up on an entire summer at once, here is a brief list of this summer's highlights:
I moved back to Provo.
I went to Canada (and Washington) for the first time! (since I was born there!)
I got a boyfriend. Then I broke up with him.
I went to Manti a lot. Sometimes for all girl camping, once for the pageant.
I went to tons of weddings, all of which were lovely (how's that for impersonal ;)
I didn't take any pictures of anything... because I am a camera loser. Sorry!

EPIC Kitchen Failure!

This past Sunday a friend and I decided it would be a great idea to go up on campus and pick some fresh plums to make a plum tart. This especially seemed like a great idea because I did it last summer with some friends from the campus tree crew, and it was possibly the most beautiful dessert I have ever created. And it tasted okay, too.

So this time we picked the plums from the very same trees, and made the tart using the very same recipe, but there were some significant circumstantial differences, the first being that my current abode is about 30 degrees hotter inside than last summer's. We first noticed something was amuck when the pie crust was roughly the consistency of chocolate chip cookie dough, most likely owing to the fact that the Crisco was more than half way to melted in that sweltering kitchen. This made it impossible to make the tart walls stand up properly, so we decided that plum cobbler would be a better idea. Just throw the pastry dough on the top, and it's a whole different dessert! Right?

My neighbor suggested that since we switched desserts at the last minute, we should call it Plum Surprise, and boy was I surprised to see that plum dessert coming right back up the hatch on Monday morning! and afternoon! and evening! I'm pretty sure the plum cobbler is to blame because it is the only thing I ate between Sunday lunch and Monday surprise. Luckily, the friend who helped me make it was also the only other person who ate it, so only two of us spent our Mondays wallowing in the misery that is epic kitchen failure.

T minus 71 hours and counting!

I just thought the world should know that I made it through the school year both alive and mostly sane! And there are only 71 more hours left until I move!!!!!

Oh, and the best answer EVER came in on the US history final. The question was about various groups connected with the Civil Rights movement. Drum roll please....
"Well at this time many people hated the Jews, and many blacks were Jews, so they decided to get together and form the Nation of Islam to fight for their right to get abortions."
There you have it: A Muslim is really just a black pro-choice Jew.

I have failed as a history teacher.

Kissing this Town Goodbye

... Except without the kissing part. I gave a smidgen of thought to an appropriate farewell for this one of a kind place that has grudgingly housed me for the last ten months. I contemplated How do I loathe thee? A farewell to Ely, but that sounded too bitter and the form was pretty strict. Turns out sonnets, even sarcastic ones, are still out of my reach. Instead I give you the second failed attempt: poetry almost as low class and dim-witted as the adults who inspire it.

A lyrical adieu to the Silver State

Farewell to jackets Confederate and straight
Farewell to terrorists and the local KKK
Farewell to creeps, both the young and the old
Farewell to fridges all covered in mold
Farewell to students who wet in their desks
Farewell to mutant biological pests
Farewell to Voldemort and his shiny bald head
Farewell to the lamp that won’t light above my bed
Farewell to the secretary who ne’er learnt my name
Farewell to the German class panties of fame
Farewell to sandwiches crafted for ‘Hon’
Farewell to children who ask me for rum
Farewell to the irony I call Escape
Farewell to dressing like Severus Snape
I’m packing the car, I’m defying the odds
By deliberately getting the heck out of dodge

Remember when I just quit my job?

I officially notified the principal and superintendent, as of 8:08 this morning, that I will be leaving at the end of my contract this June. Just FYI.

Clearly math is not your forte

From an essay on our WWII test "Hitler went all crazy and killed thousands of people, six million of which were Jews."

I always forget my camera!

Alas, this post is sans pictures, but I still had an awesome trip to Portland/Vancouver. I spent a great plane ride with Kim reminiscing and plotting future adventures for this summer, then the roommate formerly known as Jennie Hansen and her hubby picked me up and took me out for the Best Salmon Ever!!! I really should eat fish in coastal states more often... or go to coastal states more often. We played games, ate ice cream, and all around had a good time. Oh ya, and laughed at James' silly antics.

On Saturday the roommate now formerly known as Jenny J Randall had a slight legal incident and came out of it as Jenny White. When I got to the temple for the ceremony, I realized that I had my suitcase with me and nowhere to store it for the next hour (locker rooms inside? apparently my brain wasn't working). I saw a teenage boy outside the temple who looked vaguely like Jenny's family picture, so I opened the car door and yelled out "Are you Nick?" He said yes, so I handed him my suitcase, said "Watch this for awhile, please?" and ran inside. Good times. Her grandfather performed the wedding, and it was a lovely ceremony.

I spent the rest of the day cracking jokes with her uncles, laughing at the outrageous things people kept saying to Kim, and playing made up cardgames with the whole Nielson clan. It was the most beautiful weather and everything was awesome. Three cheers for old friends, new places, and fresh fish!

"The Don't Quit Your Day Job Broadway Review"

And don't fault me for being the mean one, because that is the actual name of the school musical I just got home from. Highlights included a deaf girl singing "Goodmorning Baltimore" mostly on key, watching awkward ponytail kid try to dance like a hippie, and daydreaming about the new X-Men movie I saw last night instead of the A for Effort community theater in front of me. Lowlights included a troupe of pre- and mid-pubescent boys sing the part of Elphaba in "Defying Gravity," watching awkward ponytail kid try to dance like a hippie, and seeing my boss do the hula in nothing but a grass skirt and coconut bra. Believe it or not, a 3/4 naked Voldemort is a difficult image to purge from your mind.

"Mother sheep! You're disgusting!"

My German class makes me laugh so hard I cry at least once a week, but these gems from Friday are just too good to pass up. At the start of class, we were discussing the gum-piercing habits of some of my favorite Germans (how does that not get infected? I mean, seriously, gingivitis... other mouth nasties.... anyway). In answer to the question "what would you tell your friend if they asked you to get a gum piercing with them?" one of the girls searched around in her dictionary for awhile, and eventually exclaimed "Mutterschaf! Du bist eckelhaft!" (Mother sheep! You're disgusting!" ) Contrary to my initial belief, she wasn't coming up with swearing substitutes. She just doesn't know the difference between 'ew' and 'ewe.' Her partner decided to respond in kind by telling her he's hardcore enough to get just such an oral decoration and came up with the greatest misspronunciation ever: "Ich bin so stark ich scheisse Waffen!" instead of "... ich schiesse Waffen." (Roughly translated "I'm so strong I s*** weapons" instead of "I shoot weapons"). Dang. You are hardcore. I'm not even sure if Chuck Norris can pull that one off.

In other news, yes Chuck Norris jokes are still wildly popular here, yes they do think Napoleon Dynamite is funny, but just not for the same reasons I think it's funny, and yes, that student's father did send me a good morning text on Friday. Most definitely the worst way I've ever woken up, including the time Jake turned my mattress upside down and dumped me on top of the trashcan.

So......Grossed.....Out.......

I have a lot of updates which I need to write, but first, let's pause while I hold back the vomit. A parent just called me to talk about his son's detention, and ended up hitting on me. And I quote "You know Mikey's mom and I are divorced right? You know I don't have a girlfriend right? So you can call me anytime day or night and we can talk about Mikey's behavior or about politics or personal stuff, because I'd really like to spend some time with you." By that he apparently means more time than the 15 minutes in line at Subway the first and only time I ever met him.

For starters: you are old. For middles: I hate your son. I hear that Catholics, or maybe its Methodists of Presbyterians, get to choose one person in life to hate, and instead of that I came to grips with the fact that I will mildly detest one student per semester. Since I only get one, I have to choose carefully. Your son is him. For lasts: you are still my father's age. And from Ely, though I have since been informed that if I have any interest in digging for local gold, that would be the most profitable mine. Ew.

Happier updates include I passed my last performance review with flying colors ("For a first year teacher, you've really got your poop in a scoop!" and "Now I wish that I had put my daughter in your class"), I had a lovely mission reunion (which included finding out that one of the people I taught had a terrible accident and got amnesia, but I just got an email back from him letting me know that he is doing much better and he does in fact remember my companions and I ... and that he is a member of the Kirche Jesu Christi der Heiligen der Letzten Tage), I got to go to Saturday morning General Conference (which was a great session, enhanced by Martha's great seats!), I spent time with Paula and Brian, Jordan and Bridger, and stayed with Martha's, and there are only 23 and three quarters hours left until Spring Break. I feel much better now.

When It Snows, It Pours

Things that broke this morning:

the waterheater
my hair straightener
the buckle on my dress
the atmosphere (literally 5 inches of snow on my car at the end of church)
my downstairs neighbor's ability to not throw his keys on my roof in some sort of strange accident which I still don't understand, thus resulting in him coming upstairs and climbing out my bedroom window to retrieve them

Things that did not break this morning

my car
my toothbrush
the cellphone of the lady sitting next to me in sacrament meeting
my neighbor's back in said window expedition
the warranty on my hair straightener
and basically everything else not mentioned above :)

A Real Live Niece-phew of My Uncle Sam

It has been expertly brought to my attention that I neglected the person who made singing the Yankee doodle song one of the highlights of my childhood, even in if my compulsive need to keep the number of syllables made it sound a little gender confused. Sam is the source of many other great memories, but none of them can top the time I came in Grandma's back door to find a very teenaged Sam singing and dancing his little heart out to "I can't dance, I can't talk, only thing about me is the way that I waaaaalk" up on the stereo landing. What I wouldn't give for a video of that performance....

When Cool People Get Old... I Mean Cooler

It's the middle of March again, and I have to say, this is quite possibly my favorite birthday season of the year. No offense to all you summer and fall birthdays (like myself), but I really like the wam bam knockout string of bdays that (I pretend) kicks off with my half birthday on March 13th. Then Grace and Jordan on the 16th, Ireland on the 17th, and Jake on the 18th. These are three of my favorite people, and also literally the coolest people I know. Like, they are actual cool kids, not just people I say are cool.

Jordan is living the (poor college student) dream in Provo with her cute hubby, and she totally gets all my weird, overprotective ideas about family. She is beautiful and talented and completely down to earth. I got to hang out with her last time I was in Utah, and it was great to just chill out and catch up.

Jake is a nerd, but in the "I can wear quasi-skinny wranglers and a shirt with pearlesque snap buttons without looking like a hick, an emo kid, or that other kind of people in California who wear skinny jeans" kind of way. He shares my loathing of video games and is altogether a great brother, the middle school years excepted :).

Grace puts up with our family of crazies, and even manages to keep a straight face whilst assuring me that my kids will be relatively normal! She's a lot of fun, she always invites me to come stay with them in California, and she's helping me figure out how to have a sister. Oh, and don't forget her wicked awesome chocolate chip cookies and homemade syrup, though preferably not together.

And lest Greg think I forgot his birthday back in February, I just recently got this birthday blogging idea from Kathy and am newly trying it out. Greg is like a teddy bear: kind, a good listener, and more often than not too hairy in the general facial region. I admire the way he just takes life as it comes, and it's always fun(ny) when he sets me up with one of his friends. Either way, I usually end up with a free meal or dessert of some sort - if not from some random date, then from Greg himself. He is very generous!

Two years IS a big deal

I checked my mail on the way in from work this afternoon (afternoon! Hurrah for Fridays!), and was unprepared for what I found there: a letter addressed to Sister Cox in some very familiar handwriting. So familiar because it was my own. At first I couldn't believe it - it can't be! It's too soon! But indeed it is the letter that President Borcherding had each missionary write to him or herself on the last day of the mission, to be mailed to you two years from your release date. Two years! I did the math in my head and realized that, yes, I am 24 and one half years old today, which means that I will have been in the same country for two solid years this Sunday. That hasn't happened in 5 years, which must mean it's time for another vacation!

Anyway, the letter is very short, but it got me thinking about my mission, and especially about the end of my mission. I knew then that I was going through some interesting stuff, but I had no idea it was only the appetizer, and it was all still preparing me for more to come. I often have that same feeling out here 4 hours past the end of Civilization. I guess that our whole lives, really, are preparation for the next - teaching us what we need to learn so we can succeed in more eternal realms. I can't help but wonder: what are God's learning outcomes for this unit? How am I progressing toward them? And right now while I'm waiting to lose my job (please please please lay me off) and praying that the plan includes a change of location in early June the next question is the most exciting: what's the next unit and when can it start?

A face made for radio

And apparently I have one, but not in a bad way. Just in the "KELY and KCLS need a guest political analyst to discuss the nation's budget troubles and the new stimulus and recovery bill" kind of way. I just finished my first 8 minute segment, and I must say, I feel just a little bit famous!

The Emily Cox Story: A Lifetime Original Movie

Sometime between the moment I left the principal's office this morning and the moment I realized he had just thrown me under a rapidly oncoming bus, it occurred to me that my family are all wrong: my life should never become a book; it should become a 3 1/2 hour long screenplay picked up exclusively by Lifetime! At first I envisioned it as the oft told story of the brave young teacher who moves to the middle of nowhere, changes every single student's life, finds her own true self, overcomes a few more obstacles for good measure, and falls in love with an astonishingly handsome young visitor. I, of course, would be played by Anne Hathaway, a young Sandra Bullock, or maybe that French girl from Amelie.

In the next 12 hours I discovered that my experience was the straw that broke the school rumormill's back, and by the time I trudged my way out of the ensuing backwash it was clear to me that this story is the other classic Lifetime movie plot -- the one where the courageous heroine gets slowly sucked into the small town's vortex of crazy until someone snaps and starts murdering people. I would still like to be played by Anne Hathaway, a young Sandra Bullock, or maybe that French girl from Amelie. All remains to be seen is who will do the snapping and murdering.

My money's on the beautiful and talented young teacher.

Mister Teen South Ely Anyone?

This is the word for word and letter for letter transcription of a student test answer I received today. The prompt was "In two paragraphs, discuss the motivation and importance of the Declaration of Independence. (Why Jefferson wrote it, what impact it had on the colonists, and what impact it had on England)." And no, he's not an English language learner. I swear.

"Importance of the Declaration of Independence, was to give English more independence and advantages. Also to have more of a organized environment. but that wasn't to important. At the time it was written, English need more to gain and that was something no one would think of. cause it was something diffrent to gain as much and accomplish as much that English did."

Yup... the English sure do need independence from those oppresive colonies!

And from the runners up:
"Jefferson wrote the Declaraion of Independence to make peace with the colonist and England. I think it had more impact on England then the colonist. To have colonies in America & being in England, I think England had more power for being in America as in England. I"

"The declaration taught the colonists realized that they had duty to their country. England realized that they were not happy with their old king and wanted something new."

I promise... I do actually teach them something...lots of kids got full credit... just not these ones...

Grateful for the small stuff

I meant to title this post "Addendum 43b" because the kid making sandwiches at Arby's today was one of my students who's been out sick for the last 4 days, but is still handling people's food. He may have just been running the register... I delusionally hope. I digress.

After a long day of dealing with all the crud in my kids' lives, I just feel really grateful that I'm not in any of their shoes. Two of the other teachers decided to call the sheriff about one girl's home situation because she comes in and tells all 3 of us everyday about how she spent all night taking care of her alcoholic mother. I think they made the right decision, but her life still isn't going to get much easier in the near future. I'm having to kick one student out of my class because she's just mentally snapped beyond the point where I can keep her in my class and try to help her because she's exploding every day all over everyone; I just lost another one who got arrested and will apparently be staying for awhile, and just this week figured out that my favorite underpriveliged hot shot can't read. He's good at playing things off and covering it up... either that or I'm just slow because he's been in my class since the start of the school year and I just now figured it out. I can't get him any special ed services because the district doesn't want to take on any more cases with the impending budget cuts, but the good news is that my inclusion teacher is willing to take him to her office and read tests and things out loud to him so he can at least do them... and he's willing to get over his pride enough to accept that help, so maybe this time around he will pass the class!

Reasons not to live in a small town: #43

You get to walk into the local Subway - Taco Time and recognize the girl making some poor fool's nachos as the same girl who left the ladies room at school today without washing her hands or hale-ing the toalla usando dos manos. Needless to say, I got a sandwich.

I am a grading machine!

Turns out I wasn't exaggerating when I said I had an 8 inch stack of latework to grade. It was actually 13. And it is all but conquered! (Powerschool is down so I can't put it into the computer right now....)

Things I've done in the last 48 hours

In mildly chronological order:

Listened to a youth speaker talk on the Jonas Brothers (and chastity I think, but mostly just the Jonas Brothers)

Listened to her father give a talk on the Utah Utes football team (there is no gospel oriented 'and' here. It was really just on the Utes)

Traced my ancestry back to Clodius (Clodie) I who was born in around BC 10. Turns out I really am emperor for life!

Taught a 15 year old how to spell his own middle name (Dimitrius). When I showed him the correct spelling he said "Man I was way off! There's not even a ch in there!" Yup.

Walked out of my classroom door straight into a horse's derriere. There was literally a live horse in the hallway after school today, complete with both front end and backside.

Got my cute new rainboots in the mail and wore them around the house all evening. It turns out there's nothing like a little online shopping to make me feel better about living in Ely!

I think I just failed my performance review

For Reals. For starters, I stayed up too late last night making sure that everything was in perfect order for my second of three teaching evaluations this year. I even had my fourth period class all prepped to be awesome for the principal . . . not that they're not awesome everyday, just a little bit more ostentatiously awesome for the occasion. I met with the principal before school to go over today's plans so he would know what to expect, and he said he was coming to second period instead because he had to go to Vegas for a meeting. Okay. Fine. Second period are turds, but they'll be fine.

They were not fine. They followed zero directions, they totally tuned me out, and overall it was probably the least effective class period I have ever had. Rock on. Mixed in with the general student apathy were the part where the math department cancelled my computer lab reservation and didn't tell me so I showed up with my whole class to a full computer lab of students taking math tests, the part where the librarian told me I could get sued for bringing my class to the library when I found out the computer lab was full (?!?), and the part where I turned on our daily cnn.com news clip (which I had previewed and it was totally normal stuff about Israel and Hamas) to find a graphic content warning and the beginnings of a story about Hugh Heffner asking for a federal bailout for the porn industry. I mean really, it's hilarious enough that the porn industry thinks it deserves a bailout, but what are the odds of cnn.com accidentally switching my clip for it on the one day all semester that the principal is evaluating my performance?!?!? Thanks, universe!