Sometimes the Awkward Isn't All My Fault

This is the story of how I got my world's worst driver's license picture, and before you say "oh come on, everyone has terrible driver's license picture," let me assure you that everything that follows is true. In fact, I almost included the picture in question just to prove it, but I can't do it. Apparently my willingness to self deprecate for the sake of a good story does know a few bounds, but I digress.

A few weeks ago, I went down to the DMV to get officially licensed as a Utah driver (I know. Sad day). The surprisingly friendly* clerk took my application, directed me to have a seat in the plastic chair, and started up an increasingly awkward conversation with me. It went something like this:

Clerk: Your last name is Cox? Is that your maiden name?

Me: *slightly disoriented because I don't usually think of it like that* Um... yes? I think...

Clerk: Do you have any family in Emery County?

Me: *disorientation is now amplified by the blinking flash on the camera* Nope. Not that I know of. I mean is that by Manti? Because if so, then yes.

Clerk: That's right by Manti. So you know Frank? And Judy?

Me: Oh. I should probably specify here that we're not that closely related and I've never met any of them. I think they're distant cousins through the other wife back in polygamist days.

Clerk: That's funny, because speaking of cousins and polygamists, my wife's maiden name is Cox and her parents were first-and-a-half cousins!

Me: *makes the face that you're making right now. It's one part confusion (first-and-a-half?!?!), one part revulsion (tries to figure out if that qualifies as incest), and one part general DMV awkward face*

Clerk: *click* Looks like a ... good ... picture. Head on over to booth 6 for your test and have a great day!

And that, my friends, is how to take an awkward driver's license photo like a pro.

*He may have been messing with me, but if so, it was highly effective. Good on ya, moderately gruntled civil servant!